August's Infatuations by Elle Issue is out midnight tonight.
Here's a sneak-preview of the cover:
Wednesday 31 July 2013
Discovering My Flaws
What better time than to do a 'Boyfriend' edition!!!
August's Infatuations by Elle Issue is out midnight tonight.
Here's a sneak-preview of the cover:
August's Infatuations by Elle Issue is out midnight tonight.
Here's a sneak-preview of the cover:
Thursday 25 July 2013
DT: Beauty of Personality
It just another boring post about how my feelings are going now that I'm in a relationship. It's like a therapy session. This blog was never really here to entertain. It's here for myself really, for me to read back on things, to remember, to learn, and to just write things down in hopes of clearing my head and my emotions. So far, it's done pretty damn well I must say. Helped me through a lot.
So here goes, let me ramble away...
On a daily basis, he doesn't put much effort in looking good. So he doesn't come off as attractive. But when he does put in effort, he's quite a catch. The main aspect of his physical appearance that attracted me was his height, and nothing takes that away. However, all that doesn't matter to me. I don't like him for his looks, he doesn't come off as attractive. It's his amazing personality.
It's so rare! He is so kind and thoughtful to EVERYONE around him. He's so playful and wild, I could never get bored of him. I'm sure I will cringe in the future when he does things like that but I will never unlove him for it because that's what makes him so special. He makes strangers happy. How he was repetitively hitting his friend on the head with a scrolled up poster as we were going down an escalator today, and the old lady on the other side, going up, laughed out loud as she saw him. I absolutely love how he brings joy to everyone's life. That's something that appearances can't do. Appearances come and go, we all age and turn ugly and wrinkly, but what remains is the beauty of our personalities.
He is such a romantic as well. Went on our first date officially as a couple today with a bunch of his friends and he gave me an envelope from under the table. Got home and opened it, turns out he plans to give me one of these essay/poems every time we meet. I used to think romance was overrated, like it was really fake, just a way to get something from a girl, like there were intentions, that he wanted something back. Imitation love, as I have learnt from my previous post. But this is real. He is just a genuinely warm-hearted boy. I still don't like how experiences have changed me into a pessimistic lover, because after being all warm and fuzzy reading the letter, this horrible thought came into my mind, I hoped that I would never have to burn these letters. Because I don't think I could ever let him go.
So here goes, let me ramble away...
On a daily basis, he doesn't put much effort in looking good. So he doesn't come off as attractive. But when he does put in effort, he's quite a catch. The main aspect of his physical appearance that attracted me was his height, and nothing takes that away. However, all that doesn't matter to me. I don't like him for his looks, he doesn't come off as attractive. It's his amazing personality.
by ~Plakitina
It's so rare! He is so kind and thoughtful to EVERYONE around him. He's so playful and wild, I could never get bored of him. I'm sure I will cringe in the future when he does things like that but I will never unlove him for it because that's what makes him so special. He makes strangers happy. How he was repetitively hitting his friend on the head with a scrolled up poster as we were going down an escalator today, and the old lady on the other side, going up, laughed out loud as she saw him. I absolutely love how he brings joy to everyone's life. That's something that appearances can't do. Appearances come and go, we all age and turn ugly and wrinkly, but what remains is the beauty of our personalities.
Wednesday 24 July 2013
Unconditional Love v Imitation Love
According to Baer, real love is “caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves”. When we are unconditionally loving towards another person, we are not disappointed, hurt, or angry if the person is inconsiderate, thoughtless, or does not give us anything in return.
The effect of unconditional love is a “profound and lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that deeply satisfies and enlarges the soul”. Being unconditionally loving does not imply that we become a doormat or accept any behaviour from a person. It means that if we need to correct someone, we do it with care and concern and not with anger and disappointment.
To be unconditionally loving is a process, since most of us have been exposed to conditional acceptance all of our lives. Conditional love is “I like how you make me feel”. Consequently, the majority of us enter into romantic relationships feeling empty, and expecting our partner to fill the void of a lifetime of lack of unconditional love. The result is often an unhappy relationship because it is not our partner’s role to fulfill our every need.
There are four categories of imitation love: praise, power, pleasure and safety.
by ~ezorenier
References: http://www.sexualhealthsite.info/real-love.php
The effect of unconditional love is a “profound and lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that deeply satisfies and enlarges the soul”. Being unconditionally loving does not imply that we become a doormat or accept any behaviour from a person. It means that if we need to correct someone, we do it with care and concern and not with anger and disappointment.
To be unconditionally loving is a process, since most of us have been exposed to conditional acceptance all of our lives. Conditional love is “I like how you make me feel”. Consequently, the majority of us enter into romantic relationships feeling empty, and expecting our partner to fill the void of a lifetime of lack of unconditional love. The result is often an unhappy relationship because it is not our partner’s role to fulfill our every need.
by ~patrycjanna
There are four categories of imitation love: praise, power, pleasure and safety.
Praise is when others tell us how wonderful we are. This usually includes flattery, gratitude, approval, respect, etc.
Power is when we control others through money, authority, sex, persuasion…etc.
Pleasure is a way to numb the emptiness of lack of unconditional love through sex, movies, travel, shopping, food, etc. in order to make life more bearable.
Finally, safety is the avoidance of any additional pain by not taking any risks such as staying in a dead-end job, an unfulfilling romantic relationship, or not trying anything new.
The problem with imitation love is that its effects wear off quickly and over time, we need a greater amount to get the same effect. Also, when we lack unconditional love in our lives, we tend to display Getting and Protecting Behaviours.
Getting Behaviours include lying, attacking, acting like a victim and running. Protecting behaviours are lying, attacking, acting like a victim, and clinging.
Lying is when we don’t tell the whole truth about a situation, whether by deleting some facts or modifying them so that people can like us.
Attacking is using fear to get people to do what we want. Attacking can encompass making others feel guilty, criticizing them, withdrawing approval, among others.
Acting like a victim includes a variation of these three sentences: “1. Look what you did to me; 2. Look what you should have done for me (and didn’t); and 3. It’s not my fault”.
Running is moving away from the source of pain by avoiding to confront issues, ending relationships, or using drugs/alcohol to escape.
Finally, clinging is to tightly hold on to people who give us imitation love. For example, we may use flattery, going out of our way for people so they feel obligated to us, or telling them how we can’t survive without their love.
by ~ezorenier
There are four steps to experience real love.
The first step is to tell the whole truth about ourselves to a wise person. Wise people are individuals who feel sufficiently loved themselves that they are capable of loving us even with all our flaws.
Secondly, we will therefore be seen for who we really are; thirdly we will feel accepted; and finally we will feel unconditionally loved.
Baer underlines the fact that it may take a while to find wise individuals, and that we may get only small doses of real love every once in a while. However if we persevere, these four steps will become a habit and the sense of well-being from unconditional love will make imitation love very unappealing. Also, Getting and Protecting behaviours will naturally stop as we experience consistent real love.
Becoming an unconditionally loving person is a life-long process, but the effort is worth the ultimate goal of feeling a deep sense of peace and a real connection to others.
Here are interesting quotes from the book Real Love:
- “Don’t blame your partner for your unhappiness, which is really caused by a long-standing lack of Real Love in your life.”
- “For most of us, the real meaning of “I’ve fallen in love” is “I’ve found someone who will give me all the Imitation Love I want.”
- “When you use Getting and Protecting Behaviours, you will not be able to feel Real Love, even when it’s being given to you.”
- “In any relationship, you really have only three choices to make: live with it and like it, live with it and hate it, or leave.”
- “Faith is a decision you make to tell the truth about yourself even when you’re still uncertain about what might happen.”
References: http://www.sexualhealthsite.info/real-love.php
Tuesday 23 July 2013
We're OFFICIALLY Officially Together
Confusing title? Of course, because I was confused at one point in time too. Remember when I did that post saying that I now had a boyfriend? Well turns out I didn't. I never knew there was such thing as 'official' and 'the question'. It seems all too technically. I thought when he likes you and you like him and you agree to give each other a try, that that was it. But nevertheless, I won't complain because he made it so special last night. So yes, since last night, we're are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. He told me so many sweet things and the whole night was just so funny because he planned so many things but none of it seemed to have worked out the way he planned. Perfect is overrated.
He told me not to tell anyone except my closest friend/s what happened, but here I am posting it for the world to read. But this is my blog where I record special things, good and bad. And this is the most special thing that has ever happened to me.
So let's start from two nights ago. I had been waiting for him to take me out ever since I told him I was willing to give us a go. I had waited for 2 weeks, I wouldn't have been expecting anything but for him telling me about how I probably am expecting something. So yes, because of that I was expecting something. So 2 weeks of just calls and texts, I got a little impatient at times, my heart wanting him, but then my brain was telling me that there's no rush, that taking things slow is good for me, otherwise I'd get scared and run. But two nights ago, a frenzy of boys, okay, just 3, but 3 is a big number, started talking to me over Facebook. One even tried to ask me out on a date but coincidentally and thankfully I was busy on the date he offered. But these 3 boys were interested, I wasn't stupid or being self-absorbent, sometimes I just act stupid so I don't have to deal with it all. But I am never the type to lead someone on, that's just cruel and heartless. Yet I didn't know what to tell them because we apparently weren't 'official' yet.
So I caved in and told my now-boyfriend how he better make us official soon because all these boys are asking me out on dates. He kinda flipped, I guess I shouldn't have told him that over Facebook, so yes, I am genuinely stupid sometimes, "when it comes to relationships I don't have a clue (Click Clack Away - Diggy ft Bruno Mars)". But he wasn't angry at my stupidity, we talked over the phone and he ended up spoiling a bit of the surprise, he was going to spontaneously rock up at my front door and 'kidnap' me the next night, that was last night. Kind of disappointed I spoiled it a bit, yet glad I did because I'm the opposite to him when it comes to things like this, I'm a planner, he's spontaneous. Opposites attract. What would I say to my mum if he randomly rocked up at my front door? "Sorry Mum, I need to run off with a boy for the night." So I'm glad I expected it. But the surprise wasn't ruined, I had no idea where he was taking me and what he was going to do.
I was dressed and ready, I had gone out so didn't need to change, but at the last moment he texts me telling me to wear my worst clothes, a fashion disaster. My curiosity ran wild but I did as he told. Wearing boyfriend jeans with converse shoes and some ugly brown jacket studded with pearls and a pink jumper underneath. Sounds horrible already. So he called me when he arrived, me not knowing what exact time he was going to come. I walked out and gave him such a violent hug that I think we headbutted. That hug, I waited for so long. Something I didn't really think too much about until last night when I lay in bed, he opened the door for me to the car and closed it. I never expected such things, I thought they only exist in movies, that it's just clique stuff that I didn't need. And I don't need it, I don't demand it, but it was so nice to know he put in these small things to make me feel so special.
And not much effort was needed to sweep me off my feet. Everything was my first time, it was incomparable but he put in so much effort it was wonderful. He was wonderful. He is wonderful. So he explained in the car why I was dressed like I was, his intentions was to tell me that no matter what I wear, he thinks I'm beautiful. That was so sweet and creative. Amazing. He drove me down to the river overlooking the city, with the city lights reflecting off the water and the full moon glowing above us. Though cold, being winter, it was the perfect night. I got out the car and found out that his friend's car was there, his friends were there. That slightly worried me but I didn't let it show because I was willing to go with the flow. He blinded folded me with a scarf, took my hand and led me towards the water. He stopped for a moment and told a buy to play a love song on the guitar, I didn't know who it was but turns out to be one of his friends. He continued to lead me towards the water. As we got to the edge, he told me I could look. I took off the scarf and there was the beautiful city view.
The funny part was things didn't work out, he was suppose to give me sparklers but it was so windy they wouldn't light up. His friends were on a bench behind us trying to light them up. I was laughing so hard it was amazing. Apparently there was suppose to be 3, but they only got two to work. He gave me one and told me to put it in the water, so we both stuck it in the sand so it sparkled above the water. He then told me to make a wish and I did. I wished that we could stay together forever. He asked me what I wished for, I told him and he said I wasn't suppose to wish for something about him. That made me smile, what else was I suppose to think about, when everything about me in that moment was about him. When I finished my wish, both sparklers had already finished. He was suppose to make his wish when it was still sparkling and tell me what it was. Oh, how funny that was. As he waited for his two friends to get another sparkler happening, he decided to just go with it. So he told me to pretend it was still sparkling and then told me what his wish was, that I would be his girlfriend. And then he asked me the question and I told him yes. I hugged him afterwards, I was still scared but so happy at the same time, never once stopped laughing. I asked him if I could hug him. I asked, because I was clueless and scared but I wanted him.
Then he took my hand and we strolled on the footpath, along the city view, talking and laughing. And oh my god, the feeling that comes from holding the hand of someone you love. I just don't want to let go. But he then stopped at one point, letting go of my hand to run towards the water and yelled across the river to the city: "Woooh, She f*cken said yes!!" He's one crazy guy and that's what makes me love him so much. Me, the quiet reserved type in public, and him, the crazy spontaneous type in public. He then stopped for a while in the playground and played on a weird swing that could 'swing' or 'spin'. We got so dizzy and sick, probably wasn't a good idea but I wouldn't change a thing. Not a single thing.
by ~cichecka
He told me not to tell anyone except my closest friend/s what happened, but here I am posting it for the world to read. But this is my blog where I record special things, good and bad. And this is the most special thing that has ever happened to me.
So let's start from two nights ago. I had been waiting for him to take me out ever since I told him I was willing to give us a go. I had waited for 2 weeks, I wouldn't have been expecting anything but for him telling me about how I probably am expecting something. So yes, because of that I was expecting something. So 2 weeks of just calls and texts, I got a little impatient at times, my heart wanting him, but then my brain was telling me that there's no rush, that taking things slow is good for me, otherwise I'd get scared and run. But two nights ago, a frenzy of boys, okay, just 3, but 3 is a big number, started talking to me over Facebook. One even tried to ask me out on a date but coincidentally and thankfully I was busy on the date he offered. But these 3 boys were interested, I wasn't stupid or being self-absorbent, sometimes I just act stupid so I don't have to deal with it all. But I am never the type to lead someone on, that's just cruel and heartless. Yet I didn't know what to tell them because we apparently weren't 'official' yet.
So I caved in and told my now-boyfriend how he better make us official soon because all these boys are asking me out on dates. He kinda flipped, I guess I shouldn't have told him that over Facebook, so yes, I am genuinely stupid sometimes, "when it comes to relationships I don't have a clue (Click Clack Away - Diggy ft Bruno Mars)". But he wasn't angry at my stupidity, we talked over the phone and he ended up spoiling a bit of the surprise, he was going to spontaneously rock up at my front door and 'kidnap' me the next night, that was last night. Kind of disappointed I spoiled it a bit, yet glad I did because I'm the opposite to him when it comes to things like this, I'm a planner, he's spontaneous. Opposites attract. What would I say to my mum if he randomly rocked up at my front door? "Sorry Mum, I need to run off with a boy for the night." So I'm glad I expected it. But the surprise wasn't ruined, I had no idea where he was taking me and what he was going to do.
by ~CasheeFoo
I was dressed and ready, I had gone out so didn't need to change, but at the last moment he texts me telling me to wear my worst clothes, a fashion disaster. My curiosity ran wild but I did as he told. Wearing boyfriend jeans with converse shoes and some ugly brown jacket studded with pearls and a pink jumper underneath. Sounds horrible already. So he called me when he arrived, me not knowing what exact time he was going to come. I walked out and gave him such a violent hug that I think we headbutted. That hug, I waited for so long. Something I didn't really think too much about until last night when I lay in bed, he opened the door for me to the car and closed it. I never expected such things, I thought they only exist in movies, that it's just clique stuff that I didn't need. And I don't need it, I don't demand it, but it was so nice to know he put in these small things to make me feel so special.
And not much effort was needed to sweep me off my feet. Everything was my first time, it was incomparable but he put in so much effort it was wonderful. He was wonderful. He is wonderful. So he explained in the car why I was dressed like I was, his intentions was to tell me that no matter what I wear, he thinks I'm beautiful. That was so sweet and creative. Amazing. He drove me down to the river overlooking the city, with the city lights reflecting off the water and the full moon glowing above us. Though cold, being winter, it was the perfect night. I got out the car and found out that his friend's car was there, his friends were there. That slightly worried me but I didn't let it show because I was willing to go with the flow. He blinded folded me with a scarf, took my hand and led me towards the water. He stopped for a moment and told a buy to play a love song on the guitar, I didn't know who it was but turns out to be one of his friends. He continued to lead me towards the water. As we got to the edge, he told me I could look. I took off the scarf and there was the beautiful city view.
by ~CrystalsSignature
The funny part was things didn't work out, he was suppose to give me sparklers but it was so windy they wouldn't light up. His friends were on a bench behind us trying to light them up. I was laughing so hard it was amazing. Apparently there was suppose to be 3, but they only got two to work. He gave me one and told me to put it in the water, so we both stuck it in the sand so it sparkled above the water. He then told me to make a wish and I did. I wished that we could stay together forever. He asked me what I wished for, I told him and he said I wasn't suppose to wish for something about him. That made me smile, what else was I suppose to think about, when everything about me in that moment was about him. When I finished my wish, both sparklers had already finished. He was suppose to make his wish when it was still sparkling and tell me what it was. Oh, how funny that was. As he waited for his two friends to get another sparkler happening, he decided to just go with it. So he told me to pretend it was still sparkling and then told me what his wish was, that I would be his girlfriend. And then he asked me the question and I told him yes. I hugged him afterwards, I was still scared but so happy at the same time, never once stopped laughing. I asked him if I could hug him. I asked, because I was clueless and scared but I wanted him.
Then he took my hand and we strolled on the footpath, along the city view, talking and laughing. And oh my god, the feeling that comes from holding the hand of someone you love. I just don't want to let go. But he then stopped at one point, letting go of my hand to run towards the water and yelled across the river to the city: "Woooh, She f*cken said yes!!" He's one crazy guy and that's what makes me love him so much. Me, the quiet reserved type in public, and him, the crazy spontaneous type in public. He then stopped for a while in the playground and played on a weird swing that could 'swing' or 'spin'. We got so dizzy and sick, probably wasn't a good idea but I wouldn't change a thing. Not a single thing.
Saturday 20 July 2013
Virgin Before Marriage; Restrictive Parents; Fear
Day by day, as I step into the world of adulthood, I realise my ideas are more and more naive. I know there are people out there who love hooking up and hooking up means more than making out. But I didn't think that the idea of staying a virgin before marriage is almost non-existent in this world. Non-existent everywhere with almost everyone. It's not about being promiscuous, that's the thing. I realise my friends, even the most reserved ones, can imagine giving their virginity away before they are actually married. Like I would have never imagined that that is what they think. That they are capable of giving it away within a few years of dating. The one I've heard that is closest to this 'naive' notion is one who said that she'll only give it away when she has been with him for long enough and thinks he will be 'the one', and she's highly religious.
But then here is me, and what I've seen. No matter how much you think they are 'the one', they can still end up not being 'the one'. Take my cousin for example. Been together with a guy for 7 years and they still split. And I'm sure there are more examples out there where it's been more than 7 years. It's even more tragic then. When you think they are the one, and you give them something so precious. And when they leave, I think all they can do is regret.
Anyway, back to the main point. The fact that this notion of staying a virgin before marriage seems non-existent in today's society. I start to question myself, is it really that hard to stay a virgin? But then also thinking, is it even that big of a deal to stay a virgin? For me, at 18, about to step into a relationship. I can see myself keeping it before marriage because I really don't see why it's so hard. But I guess until you truly love someone, and you get to that stage with someone, you really won't know. I really won't know.
by ~RebecaCygnus
But then here is me, and what I've seen. No matter how much you think they are 'the one', they can still end up not being 'the one'. Take my cousin for example. Been together with a guy for 7 years and they still split. And I'm sure there are more examples out there where it's been more than 7 years. It's even more tragic then. When you think they are the one, and you give them something so precious. And when they leave, I think all they can do is regret.
Anyway, back to the main point. The fact that this notion of staying a virgin before marriage seems non-existent in today's society. I start to question myself, is it really that hard to stay a virgin? But then also thinking, is it even that big of a deal to stay a virgin? For me, at 18, about to step into a relationship. I can see myself keeping it before marriage because I really don't see why it's so hard. But I guess until you truly love someone, and you get to that stage with someone, you really won't know. I really won't know.
by ~mala-lesbia
Friday 12 July 2013
Angelababy & Lily Collins
I recently watched the Snow White movie 'Mirror Mirror' with main lead Lily Collins. And just then I was reading some online news and Angelababy showed up and I had a strange feeling. I finally realised what it was, I really think they have some similarity. They're like the Caucasian/Asian versions of each other. I have found similarities between Caucasian and Asian celebrities before as well like Ian Somerhalder and Kevin Cheng. Disagree? I understand if heaps of people disagree as they don't look too similar, it's just certain aspects that make me think of the other actor/actress when I see them, maybe a personal thing that no one else sees. But I googled it and there are some out there who think Angelababy and Lily Collins look similar.
I don't know. I don't really see the similarities when I put them together but I can feel it when I look at them individually. I think it's something to do with their smile.
But anyway, I love both of them. I have a new girl crush on Lily Collins. Her eyebrows, hahaha, are amazing! She is so pretty! I love her dark hair.
Monday 8 July 2013
DT: 12 Things I Like About Him
I've made a decision and I'm not sure if it's good or bad, time will tell which one it is. But either way, it's one decision I want to keep, no matter what. One that I will never regret.
The reasons why I accepted him.
1. He is a family person to a good extent, and I am a huge family person so there's understanding there.
2. He is honest, even with things that make him look bad and puts him at a disadvantage. And with my insecurity issues, that's exactly what I need.
3. He is spontaneous and crazy which makes him quite funny, I need that in my overly structured and planned life.
4. He is more emotional than general guys, making it easier for him to understand my emotional issues.
5. He is hard working and can endure pain (from what I see in his journey of weight-loss) which are great characteristics for ambitious people (not yet sure what his ambitions are but I admire ambitious people). He may not be studying to be lawyer, doctor or engineer or anything prestigious but he has the traits to get him the same prestige as longs as he wants it.
Sunday 7 July 2013
DT: Stop Thinking So Much
I made my decision and I'm going to stick with it. But I am still so scared. I really hate how it's so much harder for me to fall in love. I'm such a pessimistic lover, it sucks. At one point today a thought came into my mind saying maybe I should try not to fly so high so that I won't fall that hard. I was telling myself not to fall for him too much, I was telling myself to hold back. Because I know that the higher I fly, the bigger the risk of a giant fall. But then I think, what's the point of flying at all if I can't appreciate the 'now', I fear the future way too much. I should just stop worrying and enjoy the greatness now.
I guess that was another reason why I had to take time to think about giving 'us' a try, I didn't want my insecurity issues to be a burden on him, to hurt him like I have already in the past. And since I have chosen to give us a go, I should stop thinking about anything negative. I should really learn to just go with it, to trust him. It's not fair on him for me to hold back. But I believe I have made the right decision for the right person, he's going to help make me trust him, he's going to make falling in love easier than I thought.
The word 'I love you' is going to have trouble coming from my lips, I'm going to be like one of the guys from the movies who stutter at the thought of having to say it. But maybe it's just not time, because we have just started, maybe over time I will love him so much it's impossible not to say it. This is just the beginning. I don't want to be saying the word without the true meaning in them. My walls aren't completely down yet, but for him, I'm really working on it. I just have to keep one mindset and that is to give more and expect less. With no expectations there's less likelihood I will get really hurt. It's easy to say but hard to execute, but if I can, it will be for the best.
I'm still so scared. But I don't regret my decision at all. And although that doesn't remove my fear and my insecurity issues, I'm sure time will help remove these negative feelings. I need to keep reassuring myself that whatever the future holds, I need to learn to enjoy the full extent of the now. I was dancing around in my room in the dark last night because I was so happy, it was exhilarating, now I really know what they mean by love as a drug. That adrenaline rush. It's amazing. And even the future may not hold this, I will have experienced it and that's all that matters. I need to stop thinking about the future and seriously enjoy the 'now'.
I guess that was another reason why I had to take time to think about giving 'us' a try, I didn't want my insecurity issues to be a burden on him, to hurt him like I have already in the past. And since I have chosen to give us a go, I should stop thinking about anything negative. I should really learn to just go with it, to trust him. It's not fair on him for me to hold back. But I believe I have made the right decision for the right person, he's going to help make me trust him, he's going to make falling in love easier than I thought.
The word 'I love you' is going to have trouble coming from my lips, I'm going to be like one of the guys from the movies who stutter at the thought of having to say it. But maybe it's just not time, because we have just started, maybe over time I will love him so much it's impossible not to say it. This is just the beginning. I don't want to be saying the word without the true meaning in them. My walls aren't completely down yet, but for him, I'm really working on it. I just have to keep one mindset and that is to give more and expect less. With no expectations there's less likelihood I will get really hurt. It's easy to say but hard to execute, but if I can, it will be for the best.
I'm still so scared. But I don't regret my decision at all. And although that doesn't remove my fear and my insecurity issues, I'm sure time will help remove these negative feelings. I need to keep reassuring myself that whatever the future holds, I need to learn to enjoy the full extent of the now. I was dancing around in my room in the dark last night because I was so happy, it was exhilarating, now I really know what they mean by love as a drug. That adrenaline rush. It's amazing. And even the future may not hold this, I will have experienced it and that's all that matters. I need to stop thinking about the future and seriously enjoy the 'now'.
Saturday 6 July 2013
I OFFICIALLY HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW!!!
I'm so happy I think I can jump around in my backyard for three hours like him too!!
But no, I need to try and catch some sleep because I don't want him to be a bad influence on me. I want him to be the best thing that has happened to me.
But no, I need to try and catch some sleep because I don't want him to be a bad influence on me. I want him to be the best thing that has happened to me.
by =eivven
Friday 5 July 2013
DT: Real women fall for love and loyalty
That's what I'm falling for, he doesn't really have the looks, nor the money. But he seems like the loyal kind. 'Seems' because I will never truly know until I go there. Question is... should I go there?
I still don't really know what he likes about me personality-wise. He said that it was hard for a girl to like basketball, ok, so that's one reason. Another was that I am blunt and that is hard to come by, so yes, another reason. I think the main reason is that he feels he can trust me? Because I can be so blunt and never led him on?
Decision, decision, decision... do I say yes? At this very moment in time, I am thinking of saying yes. But I will have to keep in mind that I should hope for the best out of this, but expect the worst out of this too. The worst? We never talk ever again, I lose him. I cry my eyes out. I lose myself. Wow, that is pretty bad. Am I willing to risk this happening to myself? Do I trust him enough right now that he won't let this happen to me no matter what?
Thursday 4 July 2013
You Never Really Know The Truth
I thought I was completely over him, thinking that he doesn't have the masculine qualities I want in a relationship. I thought I knew enough of him to turn me away from him.
But turns out you really do not know the truth until they say it out loud. I always thought he was the one playing with me, when I am actually just as messed up, maybe even more messed up. Yes, I'm the more messed up one here. One time I tell him I like him, next I tell him I don't, and then I tell him I like him again. All within 2 weeks. He told me he was jumping around in his backyard for 10 minutes after he found out I liked him as well. That made me so happy to hear that. But then he told me when he sensed it coming, that I would tell him I no longer liked him, he was squatting in his backyard for 10 minutes. He mum was like what is wrong? He said his friends knew about what I said too, and they were squatting in their own backyards (figurative speech I'm assuming?). I felt SO BAD when I heard him say that. The fact that it hurt him that hard. I didn't even know. I remember how he told me he didn't like me either, that time when I told him I no longer did, I was relieved at that time, but turns out he only did it so he wouldn't make me feel bad or awkward when inside he was really hurt. I blamed him for getting over me so quickly, when all it was was that he was confused not because of his own issues but because of mine. It was me. It was all me.
All this time I was blaming him for being confused, not knowing what he wanted, leading me on... when I did not properly look at myself. My excuse is I have severe insecurity issues because of all the relationships I have watched crash and burn and the infidelity I have witnessed around me, I told him about it. But the truth is there, I had indeed hurt him with it. I told him I have to think about 'us' because all this time after thinking he no longer liked me, I set myself out to distance myself from him, to get over him. I can't just turn around and jump back in because in actual fact, I have already gone quite far in trying to forget about him. I really need to think this through. What do I do? Do I move back to him? Or do I move forward? He told me to take as much time as I needed.
But oh my, today was really amazing, after dim sum we went for a walk along the jetty and talked. The view was amazing. I wanted to sit there and just lay my head on his shoulder. But he didn't sit so thankfully it allowed me to control myself. I wanted to hug him. But I knew I couldn't. I wanted to accept him. But I couldn't, not yet. We talked a lot about our hometown because I guess that's where our main connection comes from.
by *michellis13
But turns out you really do not know the truth until they say it out loud. I always thought he was the one playing with me, when I am actually just as messed up, maybe even more messed up. Yes, I'm the more messed up one here. One time I tell him I like him, next I tell him I don't, and then I tell him I like him again. All within 2 weeks. He told me he was jumping around in his backyard for 10 minutes after he found out I liked him as well. That made me so happy to hear that. But then he told me when he sensed it coming, that I would tell him I no longer liked him, he was squatting in his backyard for 10 minutes. He mum was like what is wrong? He said his friends knew about what I said too, and they were squatting in their own backyards (figurative speech I'm assuming?). I felt SO BAD when I heard him say that. The fact that it hurt him that hard. I didn't even know. I remember how he told me he didn't like me either, that time when I told him I no longer did, I was relieved at that time, but turns out he only did it so he wouldn't make me feel bad or awkward when inside he was really hurt. I blamed him for getting over me so quickly, when all it was was that he was confused not because of his own issues but because of mine. It was me. It was all me.
All this time I was blaming him for being confused, not knowing what he wanted, leading me on... when I did not properly look at myself. My excuse is I have severe insecurity issues because of all the relationships I have watched crash and burn and the infidelity I have witnessed around me, I told him about it. But the truth is there, I had indeed hurt him with it. I told him I have to think about 'us' because all this time after thinking he no longer liked me, I set myself out to distance myself from him, to get over him. I can't just turn around and jump back in because in actual fact, I have already gone quite far in trying to forget about him. I really need to think this through. What do I do? Do I move back to him? Or do I move forward? He told me to take as much time as I needed.
by ~HopesOnAir
But oh my, today was really amazing, after dim sum we went for a walk along the jetty and talked. The view was amazing. I wanted to sit there and just lay my head on his shoulder. But he didn't sit so thankfully it allowed me to control myself. I wanted to hug him. But I knew I couldn't. I wanted to accept him. But I couldn't, not yet. We talked a lot about our hometown because I guess that's where our main connection comes from.
Wednesday 3 July 2013
First Date!!
Something I must definitely record here on my blog about my life and growth.
Ok, so just a heads up, this post will be nothing romantic because my first date with a boy was as 'friends'. I told him it was just going to be a friends' thing after he suggested going to watch a movie at night (which my best friend said may not be a good idea if it was going to be a friends' thing). I didn't know him well, and technically I still don't know him well now, but I must say, it was really nice! He was really nice. I imagined it to be quite awkward, with me being really scared. I was so worried about what he wanted out of it, I was worried it would get flirty and touchy. I did NOT want touchy. But everything was all we said: Movies and food after, just as two people getting to know each other as friends. The fact that he wasn't flirty nor touchy took me by real surprise.
We talked, got to know each other better and I asked him whether he did this often: asking girls out to watch movies with him (because apparently he doesn't have friends that like to go watch movies with him; An excuse or truth... I'm not too sure). His reply to my question was no, he didn't do it often, he said he wasn't a 'man hore' which I couldn't help but burst out laughing whilst I was drinking my coke because it really took me by surprise. I'm not sure what I think about his reply. Does that make this date more special? The thing is I don't want it to be anything special. I just wanted to get to know him because he seemed like a pretty interesting character, I wanted to give him a chance because the first time we met he was pretty drunk and saying a lot of crazy things. But the main reason came down to this: No one has ever, I repeat ever, asked me out to the movies before. EVER. No one has ever had the courage. And it didn't matter that we didn't know each other well and he did it over Facebook, there was still courage in that after comparing him with a lot of people I have come across so far.
His (A) courage was something I admired, so I didn't turn him down. And I'm glad I didn't. Because guys like him remind me how bad the other guy (B) that has been messing with me for the last half year is. How wrong he is for me. So the funny thing is, I said in a previous blog post that I met A at B's conjoined birthday party and I thought he came as his friend, in actual fact he wasn't, he was a friend of another girl. And even more interesting, A doesn't really like B. And I can fully understand that. B is a bit of a girl while A is more manly. A doesn't know about the things that have happened between B and I but the fact that he doesn't like him makes me realise that I shouldn't like him as much as I do. How irrational it is that I like him so much, because A's personality is a lot more like the guy I want to be with, someone who takes more control, who is more of a man.
I said that the fact that A didn't make this date flirty or touchy at ALL took me by surprise, this was because with the level of courage that I sensed coming from him for asking me out to the movies, I thought he'd have the same amount of courage to make a move on me which I really did not want. So he blew my expectations in a good way, he came off as a gentleman. But as my best friend has stated, I should not think about the future and just go with the flow.
I never thought about A in any other way than just friends, I see no real future for us two but with the flow I shall go.
by ~kargapolovR
Ok, so just a heads up, this post will be nothing romantic because my first date with a boy was as 'friends'. I told him it was just going to be a friends' thing after he suggested going to watch a movie at night (which my best friend said may not be a good idea if it was going to be a friends' thing). I didn't know him well, and technically I still don't know him well now, but I must say, it was really nice! He was really nice. I imagined it to be quite awkward, with me being really scared. I was so worried about what he wanted out of it, I was worried it would get flirty and touchy. I did NOT want touchy. But everything was all we said: Movies and food after, just as two people getting to know each other as friends. The fact that he wasn't flirty nor touchy took me by real surprise.
We talked, got to know each other better and I asked him whether he did this often: asking girls out to watch movies with him (because apparently he doesn't have friends that like to go watch movies with him; An excuse or truth... I'm not too sure). His reply to my question was no, he didn't do it often, he said he wasn't a 'man hore' which I couldn't help but burst out laughing whilst I was drinking my coke because it really took me by surprise. I'm not sure what I think about his reply. Does that make this date more special? The thing is I don't want it to be anything special. I just wanted to get to know him because he seemed like a pretty interesting character, I wanted to give him a chance because the first time we met he was pretty drunk and saying a lot of crazy things. But the main reason came down to this: No one has ever, I repeat ever, asked me out to the movies before. EVER. No one has ever had the courage. And it didn't matter that we didn't know each other well and he did it over Facebook, there was still courage in that after comparing him with a lot of people I have come across so far.
by ~alyanna
His (A) courage was something I admired, so I didn't turn him down. And I'm glad I didn't. Because guys like him remind me how bad the other guy (B) that has been messing with me for the last half year is. How wrong he is for me. So the funny thing is, I said in a previous blog post that I met A at B's conjoined birthday party and I thought he came as his friend, in actual fact he wasn't, he was a friend of another girl. And even more interesting, A doesn't really like B. And I can fully understand that. B is a bit of a girl while A is more manly. A doesn't know about the things that have happened between B and I but the fact that he doesn't like him makes me realise that I shouldn't like him as much as I do. How irrational it is that I like him so much, because A's personality is a lot more like the guy I want to be with, someone who takes more control, who is more of a man.
I said that the fact that A didn't make this date flirty or touchy at ALL took me by surprise, this was because with the level of courage that I sensed coming from him for asking me out to the movies, I thought he'd have the same amount of courage to make a move on me which I really did not want. So he blew my expectations in a good way, he came off as a gentleman. But as my best friend has stated, I should not think about the future and just go with the flow.
I never thought about A in any other way than just friends, I see no real future for us two but with the flow I shall go.
by ~Iliketobeweird
Monday 1 July 2013
Not 'Me'
I feel like such a bad person right now. Like not bad bad, but not 'me'.
I've always been a goody girl, the innocent, pure type.
But it seems this holidays I am really letting loose, being a true 18 year old.
I've never interacted with a boy one on one before and suddenly they come at me all at once. Movie date (which I clarified as friends, just to get to know each other) this Wednesday with one, and another date (not sure if it's really going to be a date yet, it's just come up, and it's with him. The one I've been trying to run from for a while now) on Thursday. I feel so morally wrong. I don't know why. Is there really anything wrong with my situation here? Is it wrong for a girl to accept so much attention from boys? It certainly feels wrong to accept them.
But I'm going to try fight my heart with the second boy, rationally I should avoid him. He's all wrong for me. Not going to go on a date with him no matter how much I want because mentally, I know he's just feeling lonely. That's why he suddenly wants me back. It's the holidays... he's bored, lonely even. I've done nothing to catch his attention yet somehow I have. All this time I've really been distancing myself from him. This is proof that whatever he wants, he's just confused about it.
I've always been a goody girl, the innocent, pure type.
But it seems this holidays I am really letting loose, being a true 18 year old.
by ~kleineaster
I've never interacted with a boy one on one before and suddenly they come at me all at once. Movie date (which I clarified as friends, just to get to know each other) this Wednesday with one, and another date (not sure if it's really going to be a date yet, it's just come up, and it's with him. The one I've been trying to run from for a while now) on Thursday. I feel so morally wrong. I don't know why. Is there really anything wrong with my situation here? Is it wrong for a girl to accept so much attention from boys? It certainly feels wrong to accept them.
But I'm going to try fight my heart with the second boy, rationally I should avoid him. He's all wrong for me. Not going to go on a date with him no matter how much I want because mentally, I know he's just feeling lonely. That's why he suddenly wants me back. It's the holidays... he's bored, lonely even. I've done nothing to catch his attention yet somehow I have. All this time I've really been distancing myself from him. This is proof that whatever he wants, he's just confused about it.
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